A Holiday to Remember
by Insert Something Witty Here
Summary: James Potter, Sirius Black and Lily Evans have a very, very odd Christmas Holiday in which the universe seems to conspire against James. WIP Will be updated often... [I hope] until finished. Constructive crits would be nice!
1. December 22nd

Disclaimer: JK owns everything

Lily Evans twirled her auburn hair around her left index finger and plopped down upon her family's moth ball ridden couch with a smile plastered across her face. She dropped her feet onto the wooden table in the room and watched the snow fall onto the front lawn of her family's quaint English tutor through the window. The Christmas tree in the room had been shoved into the corner and had a mountain of colorfully wrapped presents squished under it.

It had been the best holiday Lily had had since she had begun attending Hogwarts. So far, there had been no annoying letters from Potter, no all-too-cheery relatives, and best of all, no Petunia! Well, Petunia was coming to see them with her whale of a husband, Vernon ( or as Lily called him, 'Vernopotamus') on Christmas for lunch.

But that fact was far from her mind as she got up, placed a Christmas record in the family record player and skipped into the kitchen.

"Mum?"

"What is it sweetie?"

"I need to get presents for my friends. Can you take me to Diagon Alley this afternoon?"

"Sure thing."

"Okay, thanks."

Lily turned around and smiled as she walked towards the stairs and past the table and vase in the hall. This was going to be the best holiday ever!

o O o O o O o

"Where the bloody hell is your eggnog Padfoot?" A disgruntled James Potter yelled across his friend's flat, pushing his glasses back up the bridge of his nose as he did so.

"What's an eggnog?" Sirius said, as he walked into his cramped kitchen, scratching his bum.

James' jaw dropped, "What's... What's _an _eggnog?"

"Yeah, I just asked you that, Prongs," Sirius answered with an arched eyebrow.

James slammed the fridge door covered with colored magnets closed with a sigh, "Where's the nearest muggle market?"

"Dunno."

James let out a strangled cry and ruffled his jet black, already messy enough hair, "Merlin…"

Sirius grabbed some milk from his refrigerator and a box of cheerios, "Wanna play Chess?"

"No I don't want to play Chess."

Sirius shrugged and leaned his shaggy head back, pouring some milk and cheerios into his mouth. A few droplets of milk managed to escape his lips and spill down his chin. James watched him in horror, mouth hanging open, as Sirius chewed and swallowed the concoction.

"Wanna play Chess now?"

"Fine, Padfoot."

Sirius smiled and jumped over the back of his black leather couch. He set up the board that was on his stained wood table and leaned back. James stalked over to the purple bean bag across from the couch and frowned.

He sunk into the beanbag and his frown deepened, "I always have to sit in this thing."

Sirius flipped his raven colored hair and looked at his friend, "You're saying it like it's a bad thing."

"It is a bad thing!"

Sirius shrugged, and moved his piece first. After a few seconds of silence he looked up again, "Hey, I need to get presents for you and the guys. Think we should go today?"

"Yeah. I still need to get Lily something."

Sirius opened his mouth as if he was going to say anything, then closed it again and shook his head.

"What, Padfoot?"

"Nothing."

"Okay."

After fifteen minutes it was clear that Sirius would lose: he only had 2 pawns and his king left, all of which were grumbling angrily at him. He got up and shuffled his sock covered feet on the shag rug, "I'm bored." A lopsided grin began to form on his face. He kept shuffling his feet.

"What's so fun- oh no. Padfoot. No. Stop!" James screamed rather girlishly as he leapt up and sprinted away from Sirius' static filled body, and out the nearest doorway.

"Wait, Prongs! I just want to talk… about Lily!"

"Really?" James asked sticking his head out from behind the doorframe.

"Nope!" Sirius said as he poked James' nose, zapping him. "Now lets go get some presents already."

o O o O o O o

The coins in Lily's winter coat pocket jingled as she walked down the snow covered Diagon Alley with her mum at her side. Lily had a smile on her face that stretched from rosy cheek to rosy cheek. She had decided that her best bet for presents would be books for her bookwormy friends, and was en route to Flourish and Blotts. They walked down the icy cobblestone street in a content silence.

Lily and her mum finally reached the snow covered doorstep of Flourish and Blotts and stepped inside. Lily took off her scarf as a rush of heat greeted them. 'Thank god for heating charms,' she thought as she hung her coat on one of the pegs on the wall. She immediately started towards the Charms portion of the shop, looking for a book for her friend, Darcy Dawkins. Suddenly, she spotted something that made her heart skip a beat.

o O o O o O o

"Ever get that feeling like someone's watching you, mate?" James asked Sirius as he leafed through the books in the Charms section.

"No, that's just nonsense." Sirius answered from his position on the floor, lying against the wall.

"I guess you're right," James said, but he still looked over his shoulder. His jaw dropped. "Sirius!"

"What?"

"They're selling A Guide to Wizard Thievery for only 9 sickles!"

"Merlin. Prongs, I had no idea you were such a bargain junkie; you already have two copies of it."

"But it's so cheap!"

"But you have two copies."

"But… 9 sickles…"

"I thought you were here to get a present for Lily."

"Oh! Right." James looked back towards the bookcase. All of these books were _so _boring; Lily would never like any of them. Maybe if he could find a book about a sexy black haired wizard winning over a beautiful red haired goddess. She'd be sure to love that. James suddenly felt a prickling sensation on his neck that made his hair stand on end.

"Are you sure you've never felt like someone's been watching you Padfoot?"

"Yeah, Prongs I already told you-"

And just at that moment a shrill voice screamed, "Potter!"


	2. December 22nd Part 2

December 22nd. Part Deux.

"_Are you sure you've never felt like someone's been watching you Padfoot?"_

"_Yeah, Prongs I already told you-"_

_And just at that moment a shrill voice screamed, "Potter!"_

December 22nd. 2:14 P.M.

I spun around, opening my mouth as I did so, completely confused.

"Why Evans! How absolutely _smashing_ to see you!" Sirius yelled from my left. He wrestled her into a one armed hug, accidentally scratching her hand with his absurdly long nails as he did so.

"Oof- Shiriush gerrofa me." She punched him in the gut. He tumbled to the ground.

"I suppose it is now actually smashing to see you, in the true sense of the word." Sirius said from his sprawled out position on the hard wood floor.

"You scratched me!" she shrieked.

"I can kiss it to make it go away, my little geranium," I said, suavely I might add.

"Sod off Potter, you oaf."

"Gasp!" Sirius yelled from the ground.

"You don't actually say it Padfoot, you're supposed to actually gasp."

Sirius gasped.

"There you go," Lily and I said at the same time.

We locked eyes, emerald boring into hazel. I knew what was coming. I was ready. I could handle it. James Potter always has his game face on. James Potter always- "Jinx!" Lily screamed. Bugger me.

Sirius gasped again. He was a good crowd, you had to admit. Though there was reason to gasp at this point, I would have if I could have. I should have. See, magical jinxes are different from muggle ones. The main difference is that magical jinxes are just that, jinxes. You actually _can't_ talk until the jinx-er un-jinxes the jinx-ee. You know what's a funny word? Hijinx. Three dotted letters in a row. I wonder who came up-

"Ha-ha!" Lily was cackling, a manic glint in her eye. I was scared. "At last, Potter! A new era has begun! An age where darkness has been squelched! An epoch where freedom-"

"Lily do you think Darcy would like this book? It's fiction I think, something about werewolves. I'm not sure, are they real or not?" Mrs. Evans had returned from another section of Flourish and Blottes, oblivious to the momentous occurrence that had just… occurred… nearby.

Lily spun around on her heel, "Oh yes mum, they're real. And I suppose Darcy has always fancied the subject of werewolves." Sirius let out a bark of laughter and she turned around.

I was on top of Sirius, red faced, laughing silently, and Sirius was under me, gasping for breath in between those stupid barks of his.

Lily and her mum stared. It was a few minutes until we calmed down, and Mrs. Evans glanced quickly to Lily, "What was that all about?" she whispered.

"Oh mum don't you know? These are my friends Sirius and James. They're _gay_."

I did a double take, and gasped in horror, silently of course. Sirius, that bloody wanker, however, took it all in stride. "Oh yes it's quite true Mrs. Evans. I just love James' bum. Is it not perfectly shaped?" He gave my arse a quick pat for good measure.

"Oh well, yes, I suppose his bum is rather nice," Mrs. Evans agreed.

I, who had previously been staring at Lily in horror, adopted a satisfied smirk. For about half a second, of course, before I realized that Lily's mum did indeed believe me to be gay for Sirius Black.

I began making frantic hand motions, trying to prove that this was all just a great big lie. Just some fanciful schoolgirl _rumor _created to destroy my pristine reputation! I was waving my hands in front of my chest and making the good 'ole index finger across the neck after pointing at Sirius.

Mrs. Evans looked confused, "What are you doing James?"

Sirius puffed out his chest, "Oh you know, we were the hand jive champions in the '76 tournament at Hogwarts." He swatted at my hands and whisper-yelled furiously, "James stop trying to show off!"

I shook my head violently and started pounding my fists on the ground.

Lily flicked her hair over her head and said, "Potter stop being so melodramatic, you can show my Mum your hand jiving skills later if it matters so much to you."

I faked stabbing myself in the heart with a sword.

"Lily, perhaps James and Sirius would like to come over for Christmas Eve? They could show us their routine then."

I smiled as though I had just won the House Cup for the 6th year running. Sirius punched the air. Lily looked like she was going to have dry heaves.

"Sounds absolutely _fabulous_, Mrs. Evans," Sirius gushed. "Now if you don't mind, there is some chocolate fondue calling my name from the Swiss or Miss restaurant near my flat."

He grabbed my wrist rather roughly and dragged me out to the Leaky Cauldron. Not before I before I could blow a kiss to Lily, though.

Sirius was still dragging me when I remembered something and stopped. He turned around, confused. That's when I back hand slapped him across the face.

December 22nd. 3:27 P.M.

_Mr. Moony,_

_A humble request from a one Mr. Prongs: young Lily-flower has cast a jinx upon the gallant, chivalrous, and unbearably handsome Mr. Prongs. Requesting your assistance. _

_Cheerio!_

_Prongs_

_P.S. – Padfoot and I are at his flat._

_P.P.S. – We don't come off as gay, do we?_

Remus sighed. Typical. James and Sirius were always getting themselves into trouble. He silently weighed his options. On the one hand, helping James, and on the other, watching I Love Lucy on the tellie. This was a difficult decision.

He stretched in his somewhat tattered, maroon arm chair. Being the brave Gryffindor that Remus Lupin was, he decided it was best to face the 'wrath' of Mr. Prongs after Christmas holidays. He pulled the heavy duvet closer to his freezing body and picked up the mug next to him.

Yes, James could wait. It was hot cocoa time, after all.

December 22nd. 4:10 P.M.

Sirius and I were playing chess and eating fondue. He is somewhat delusional when it comes to chess. Always mentions something about being the next Bobby Fisher, whoever that is. We were sitting on the shag rug that covered the floor of our living room. The fondue was delicious, by the way, if you were wondering.

I grabbed a nearby blue Bic pen and quickly scribbled on a napkin, **Where is Moony?** I slid the napkin across the table to Padfoot, who quickly glanced at it.

He tapped his chin with his index finger, and moved his rook forward six spaces. "Probably watching I Love Lucy. Check!"

I sent my bishop after his rook. The bishop took the gigantic bible that had been clutched against his chest and whacked the queen across the face with it.

**Why?**

"Because Moony wants to get in Lucille Ball's pants. What's it matter anyways. It's not like he'd happen to say something that rhymed with Flames Otter to remove the jinx. Or Maims Daughter. Or Tames Hotter. Or Names Trotter. He's much more mischievous than you give him credit for, the old chap."

**Wanker**

"Oh Prongsie you know I'm not the wanker. That's Wormy's job."

**Git**. I pushed my rook over to the side of the board.

"I don't deny it." He moved his knight.

I pushed my bishop a few spaces to the left. **Checkmate**

Sirius scratched his head in deep thought, then grinned. "Ahh Prongs my mate, that's where you are wrong. You obviously did not account for Olga the Wild! The renegade queen that has just been reincarnated by a great divine power from above!" He grabbed his unconscious queen and made a move to put her back on the board.

"That would be cheating, sir," piped up one of his pawns.

"Says who?"

"Us," every single chess piece muttered.

"Fine. Sod it then. I didn't want to play chess anyway," Sirius grumbled.

**Padfoot this is kind of getting absurd.**

"Quiet Prongs! I will be the next Bobby Fisher! Mark. My. Words."

**That's not what I meant. Just say my name. Please. **I pouted.

"Prongs I'm not actually your lover. Pouting won't do anything to me. It's funner to see you squirm anyway."

**Funner isn't a word.**

"You know what else isn't a word? Ploogotnic, but that won't stop me from calling you one, Prongs, you filthy little ploogotnic."

**You're the only ploogotnic here, Padfoot.**

"Why do you slander me with such lies?!" Sirius huffed. I ate a chocolate strawberry from the still hot fondue we had taken from Swiss or Miss.

**This is delicious you know?**

"Oh yes I always was partial to strawberries." He scratched his head, "I'm bored Prongs."

**I have an idea.**

"Well, shoot."

December 22nd. 7:00 P.M.

Six bruises, four "short cuts" and one minor scuffle involving vegetarianism and bowling later, Sirius and I found ourselves standing outside the Evans residence.

"I'm surprised Prongs. I didn't know you knew how to get around the Underground, or how to hail a taxi for that matter."

**There are lots of things you don't know about me, Padfoot. I'm a mysterious man.**

"Prongs you're less mysterious than that old lady who gave you an oatmeal raisin cookie at the stop near Diagon Alley."

**Padfoot was this really a good idea?**

"Why of course it was Prongs. I do admit though, it's rather… snowy, here."

We were forced to stand in the middle of the street, because on either side of us there was about 5 feet of snow.

**Yeah. Well let's go then.**

December 22nd. 7:30 P.M.

The Evans household was as cheery as it always was during Christmas time. The cheeriness of the house, however, did not mirror the feelings of one of it's residents. One 16 year old witch, to be specific.

Lily Evans was fuming. Her mum had invited James Bloody Potter and Sirius 'the Prat' Black over for Christmas Eve dinner. And worse, Petunia and the hippopotamus would be over as well. And to add to Lily's misery, Surrey was enduring the worst blizzard in years (they had gotten 4 feet over the last 2 days) and they wouldn't be able to go caroling at all this Christmas.

She was in her room, sitting on the edge of her bed, cracking her fingers and huffing more than was normal. She let out a scream and picked up the nearest delicate object, in this case a bowl that had been filled with fruit when she brought it up earlier, and hurled it across the room.

"Lily are you alright?" her mum asked from downstairs.

"I'm peachy!" she yelled back.

"Peachy keen or just peachy Miss Evans?" a deep voice asked from her now open window.


End file.
